Guest post by David Croushore of 30 Days at A Time
I work typical 9 to 5 job in Washington, DC. I take a shuttle to work at the same time every day, follow a daily routine that involves my job, working out, and whatever side projects I’m pursuing at the moment. Every day, Monday to Friday, is similar if not exactly the same. This lifestyle makes me happy, but it also makes me curious.
When I read about lifestyle design, I hear about location independence, exotic travel, and a host of other concepts that are almost foreign to me. Could these lifestyles make me happy? Probably. Are they necessary? Not to me.
My inquiring mind ruminated on this idea for some time until I realized that the reason lifestyle design didn’t speak to me the way it does to so many others is because I have been focused for so long on its sister, self design (or personal development).
Lifestyle design, it seems to me, is about altering the external, changing the situation, and molding the world to your ideal. It sounds really cool, and I’m starting to explore it a bit.
Self design, by contrast, is about the internal. Shaping the way you respond to any situation, harnessing your emotional power, and developing the ability to be happy with a variety of lifestyles, even the non-ideal.
As I have thought more on this topic, it has occurred to me that these are not contrasting ideas, but complementary ones. With a balance of self design and lifestyle design, we can ensure that we will respond well to any external events beyond our control while establishing the lifestyle we choose. Yin and yang. Lifestyle design and self design. The idea seems simple, but allow me to explore some extreme examples to illustrate the point:
Lifestyle design without self design: the vagrant
By focusing only on lifestyle design and paying no heed to yourself, you run the risk of constantly chasing after an unattainable goal.
Part of self-design is developing, crafting, and defining your goals. Without spending lots of time considering the things that make you happy, you may end up chasing someone else’s dreams. It is not uncommon to see people chasing the “next big thing” without stopping to consider whether they are following their own dreams or someone else’s.
Living in Thailand sounds great, but I’m pretty sure I’d be happier in San Diego. Nothing against those of you who love living in Thailand: If it’s your dream, wonderful. It isn’t mine.
Self design without lifestyle design: the self-help addict
On the other hand, there are tons of people who spend loads of time and money studying self-help books, going to self-help seminars, and working on themselves.
They have self-design down, but somehow convince themselves that with enough self design, they can be happy in any situation. Ignore the fact that they have no passion for their job, they don’t communicate well with their spouse, and they live in a city where they hate the weather and the local culture.
They assume that it is a personal shortcoming that prevents them from being happy. By adding an element of lifestyle design, finding a new job, a new city, new friends, etc. they may find that their continuing self-help work is unnecessary. They are fine the way they are, but merely find themselves in the wrong situation.
Balance between the two leads to happiness
Now consider the people who find balance between lifestyle design and personal development. They work to understand themselves, address their shortcomings, understand their emotions, and define their goals. At the same time, they choose what external situation to put themselves in. They find the right job, live in the right place, and associate with the right people for them.
By balancing self design and lifestyle design, these people can handle small imperfections in their external environment but can still create the proper situation to promote their happiness, and know that the lifestyles they create are the right ones for them.
Could you benefit from more self design? More lifestyle design? You probably already know the answer deep down. Share it with us in the comments!
David Croushore writes about self-improvement through 30 day challenges at his blog 30 Days at A Time. He covers various topics including fitness, nutrition, goal setting, and social dynamics.
photo by greekadman
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16 comments add your own
You hit a homerun on this one David (Baseball is about to begin.. I couldn’t resist.)
So often we think there is ONE approach that works for everyone which couldn’t be further from the truth. Lifestyle design works for a lot of people but isn’t necessarily right for everyone as you say.
I think when it comes down to it no matter who you are or where you come from; as long as you’re following your passion and making a difference happiness will find a way to your door.
As much as I don’t like balance, I do think it is necessary at times. I grow tired of the personal development blogs that fail to acknowledge the other side. For example, many of the personal development blogs out there only focus on being overly happy, overly successful, which while it has its place, is incomplete.
As the saying goes: “Follow your gut.”
Hey Bud,
This line really hit home for me.
“many of the personal development blogs out there only focus on being overly happy, overly successful, which while it has its place, is incomplete.”
People can forget that sadness and failure are the other side of the same kind. We need to experience them in order to really appreciate our success.
Hi David.
This is certainly accurate. It is good to read the thoughts of someone who seeks to travel to Thailand, for example, but it is up to us to make the call as to what we are interested in. If we go to Thailand because someone else is going to Thailand, we are missing the concept. This is why it is good to adapt whatever we read or learn about to our own endeavors and interests, filling gaps where necessary, so that we benefited from the material and are also fulfilled.
It is easy to end up “chasing someone else’s dreams”, which is a process with no fulfillment as the reward.
Also, that point you make about how some real changes can easily trump any lifestyle design efforts sure is valid. One can find ways to adapt or self-motivate to read in a fairly dark room, or they can turn on the light and make the process much easier.
Some of the best advice I ever heard was that you have to act through your own intentions.
Of course, if you act through your own intentions because someone told you to, you aren’t really acting through your own intentions.
We all need to find our own way. We need to find our passions, make our own decisions, and ultimately take accountability for our own lives. Learning from others can only go so far; at some point we have to find our own way.
FINALLY, i read one guest post that adequately explains what lifestyle design is all about – DESIGNING a LIFE that you really WANT and will make you HAPPY and NOT just being location independent or bumming around in a beach in Thailand. Being in a cubicle doesn’t mean one’s a loser, it just means that I love my job and I don’t want to give it up.
David,
Great post, but there’s one key factor of “lifestyle design” that you should consider. You say that the lifestyle design could make you happy but isn’t necessary. And I agree. But there’s something to be said for the creativity sparked when you’re in new surroundings experiencing new things. For many people, the travel portion of lifestyle design isn’t necessarily to travel for the sake of travel, but rather to use it as a means to further their goals, reinvigorate themselves, and help them attain a new focus and excitement towards their goals.
The problem is making assumptions about lifestyle design (or at least the travel portion) without first experiencing it yourself. Because if you haven’t yet experienced it yourself, then you open yourself up to the possibility that you dismiss what you don’t understand, and end up diminishing your own experience of reality.
For the people that are having trouble getting started and are in environments where they’ve generally conditioned themselves over long periods of time not to get things done, a one or two month experience overseas could very well help them clear their mind and speed up the process.
If nothing else, you’ll learn something about yourself and gain a new perspective from which to view your life back home.
This makes so much sense, but it never dawned on me! Duh! I think I’ve done a lot of work on the self design (although I could still do more), but I need to do some more work on the lifestyle design, mostly in my professional life. Thanks for a great post and some good thought-provocation!
I’ve noticed throughout many of these comments on lifestyle design that many people get seemingly defensive when it comes to location independence and bumming around in Thailand (or wherever). Isn’t it obvious that lifestyle design about designing the life the way you want? Are there really a bunch of people out there traveling to exotic locations because they think that is the “cool” thing to do and Free Pursuits is saying to do that? – I doubt it. My guess is people are traveling and dialing in their 4 hour work week because it sounds exciting and liberating. For those of you who love your 9-5 and living in the US, chill out. I’m truly happy that you are very content with your life, but no offense I’d rather read about how to work less, travel more, and be financially independent.
Hi David,
This is a great post. I currently work overseas (doing a 9 – 5 type job which I enjoy but is not my passion).
I don’t let this job define me as several of my colleagues do who are unable to leave work behind at the end of the day and are continually complaining about their jobs taking over their personal life.
I maintain strong work/personal boundaries and use my personal time to improve myself (I am doing lots of running and learning Spanish as well as exploring the country I live in). This works very well for me.
I think the key is to make your own decisions, choose what makes you happy and be strong enough to go out and do rather than saying “I would but…” or “one day…..” etc.
Mike
I use to believe that lifestyle design has in it the element of personal development. Now I understand the difference. In my case, I have been pursuing the path of self design. I believe that before we can change the outside, we must first start from within.
I think Dave’s broader point in the article is meant to suggest that some things you assume need changing within will actually resolve themselves if you address external factors as well.
This post really struck me. I think you hit the nail on the head. No one thing is going to fix everyone’s problems. If you’re unhappy with yourself, picking up and moving to Thailand won’t change that. If you’re unhappy with your situation, adjusting yourself won’t necessarily change that either. I know I personally need a little of both – lifestyle and self design. I can’t wait to move out of the city I live in. But I’m also working on being grateful for the things in my life that I already have – but often take for granted. For me, balance is key.
I think you could say “[fill in anything here] isn’t the key to happiness” and it would be true.
The mistake people make is thinking that any one thing is the key to their salvation. In this mode of thought – and without introspection, the structures of their problems remain the same, only their content will differ (possibly in different countries). Getting to the root cause of their unhappiness (which is really independent of their current surroundings) is what will free them. However, if afterwards no action is taken, then nothing will change.
So I agree with your premise that balance is needed – to figure out what’s inside of you, and then to act. One without the other is meaningless.
I’ve always been a bit self-helpy (I actually LIKE reading self help books), but I’ve just now started to put in the lifestyle design aspect of the equation and I concur that I am MUCH happier and well balanced.
Self design also helps give you the awareness to realize when something is your dream, or someone else’s that you’re chasing (as in your first example). Another point to think about with “the vagrant” is that if you follow ONLY lifestyle design without self design, it might end up seeming a bit hedonistic and self-centered.
I personally view lifestyle design a little differently than many of the articles I read. To me lifestyle design is much more about truly designing the lifestyle YOU desire, not necessarily about location independence and travel. If that is your desired lifestyle… great, if not that’s fine as well. I think in many cases the term lifestyle design gets associated with location independence and travel when I don’t believe that is the core of the concept. For me, lifestyle design is all about deciding what your likes and dislikes are and determining a plan for your life to be able spend more time on what you like and less on what you don’t.
Your article is very true and it is a key part of building the lifestyle you desire. You have to develop yourself to be able to take advantage of the scenarios that you desire. This is key to developing that lifestyle.
Just my $.02.
Jeremy @ RefocusingTechnology.com
David, nice post here. I’m actually living in Thailand for a couple months…but that’s just because it’s fun! Seriously though, about a year and a half ago I made one serious change to my lifestyle: taking a job overseas. By redesigning my external lifestyle, I was able to improve my internal life.
Why?
I believe a person’s internal life is highly influenced by their external life; if you’re surrounded by crummy circumstances, you’re going to have a hard time making internal improvements. Redesigning your lifestyle is an important first step. In my case, a crappy job (external life) defined me to such a degree that it was impossible to focus on making positive changes.
The key isn’t following the idea of someone else’s idea of an ideal life but designing one that works for you.